When Life Sucks

Whether you’ve lost your job,

Been dumped by a lover,

Had a family member or friend (or you) get seriously ill,

Or someone has died…

There are days, even months or years, when life sucks.

Surviving these times with grace isn’t easy, but it is possible.

When this happens to me, the first thing I do is allow myself to feel as upset and miserable as I do.

Trying to suppress my true feelings, ignore them, or pretend they aren’t there is just a set up for more bad feelings.

Next, I share my feelings with someone I really trust. Someone who won’t automatically try to “fix” me but has enough emotional intelligence just to sit and listen and hold the space for me. Someone who can be with me in all my misery. (These are rare people, choose wisely.)

 

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Then I go into research mode and look for solutions that might make the situation better or more tolerable. And, if I find solutions, I don’t try to do everything at once but rather take baby steps.

And, I also take time to chill out and give myself a break by eliminating responsibilities that can wait while I sort things out.

I take time to remember that even though things suck right now, it won’t always be this way. In fact, most of the best things that have ever happened to me were initiated or a result of the worst things that have ever happened. (Really!)

Most importantly, I make a daily gratitude list of all the good in my life.

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

Arielle

The Opposite of the Bucket List

We all know what a bucket list is – those lifelong dreams of things we want to experience or acquire…things we imagine are going to fulfill or exceed our expectations.

Several months ago I shared with you when I fulfilled one of my bucket list items of seeing Stevie Wonder live in concert. It was awesome, amazing, dazzling, spectacular ….everything I hoped it would be.

Bucket lists are a good thing.

I have now discovered what the opposite of a bucket list is.

Turns out that every January 1st my New Year’s Resolution list has the same items on it…year after year. Things such as:

    • Learn to speak Italian. (I can almost read an Italian menu but that’s about it)
    • Do weight training three times a week. (if I get to Pilates once a week it’s a miracle)
    • Go snow skiing.  (I haven’t been on ski’s since 1993)
    • Scuba dive the Red Sea (I haven’t been diving since 1996)
    • Cook a traditional Thanksgiving Dinner from scratch. (I’ve never cooked a turkey)
    • Take up ballroom dancing and learn the Samba. (I no longer even watch Dancing With The Stars)

I have finally realized that I will most likely never do any of these. Leaving them on my “To Do” list takes up energetic bandwidth. I have finally moved ALL these items to a new list – my F*#k It List.

Poof. Gone.  Vanished.

No more wishing, hoping, fantasizing.

The truth is, none of these are a high priority and I want to free up my mind and spirit to enjoy the things I truly have a passion for.

Now it’s time to go take a nap!

Puppy nap

 

 

 

 

 

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

Arielle

Spiritual Benefits of Shopping and Tithing

We go shopping for all kinds of reasons:

  • The fridge is empty and we need bread, milk and eggs.
  • We’re craving chocolate or cheesecake.
  • We need new shoes and a little black dress.

We shop for necessity, for fun, excitement and for all kinds of reasons. I am not a big shopper. These days I would rather be getting rid of stuff rather than acquiring new stuff, except when it’s something to which I can attribute meaning or purpose.

I’ve discovered we can shop for spiritual expansion.

Here’s how I do it:

When I accomplish something really big, something I have worked long and hard for, I buy myself what I call a “push present.” I recently completed writing my tenth book and bought myself a beautiful new ring that I wear nearly everyday.

ringsHow’s does this expand me spiritually?

The ring is a physical, constant reminder and proof of my abundance and prosperity that comes from the part of me that is connected to the Divine. And, every time I look at this ring it makes me smile and remember that I have accomplished something that I am really proud of.

When I buy myself a push present I also “tithe” the same amount I spend to someone or something that provides me with spiritual sustenance. This creates even more fulfillment with me.

What is expanding you spiritually these days?

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

Arielle

What Do Men Want?

What do men want? That’s a big question and one that I have been researching for years. In fact, when my next book comes out next January, I will be unveiling my take on this topic as well.

I recently came across Kate, who has great information and a story about what men want. If you are looking to gain insight into the mind of a man, this is worth checking out.

Below is the start of her wisdom and if you want more, you can click on the link at the end for a video that goes deeper. (…and in full disclosure, she does have a $37 product to sell with the full scoop of what she has to teach on this topic.)

Kate says:

Having a man close to you is a wonderful feeling…

  • The warmth of his embrace…
  • The smell of his skin…
  • The safety and comfort when you’re near him…

And one of the most frustrating things a woman can feel is the suspicion that you might have accidentally pushed him away…

That you may have even scared a good man off for good.

Well, the truth is this (WARNING – I’m not going to sugar-coat this): The reason he doesn’t want you or desire you is simply because you never made him feel like you really “GET” him.

imagesYou Gotta Show Him You GET Him!

Let me explain…

Most women think it’s enough to make herself look appealing by fixing her hair, makeup, and clothes. The usual “peacocking” stuff that captures his eye. The thought goes that, if you make yourself LOOK good enough, he’ll desire you and fall in love with you. But this is backwards. And it feels “desperate” to men.

YES, you absolutely do need to be appealing to the eye (and that does NOT mean you need to look like a supermodel or have backbreaking boobs.) There is no question that this will initiate interest. HOWEVER… What he REALLY needs to feel is that you UNDERSTAND him as a MAN…. And you’d be VERY surprised how easy it is to send a guy the wrong signal and make him think you don’t get him AT ALL.

For example: A lot of women pretend to understand a man in order to pry open his heart. But it backfires on her when she doesn’t do it the right way. Like when she pretends to be interested in his hobbies or sports or television shows, but it’s just her faking “good behavior.” You know, that “getting to know you” pretending that both men and women sometimes do.

QUICK SECRET: Men And Women Have Developed a Keen Radar For BS!

Most human conversations (these days, anyway) tend to have the feel of: “Mmm hmmm. Mmm hmmm. Just waiting for my turn to speak.”

To be fair, we all get a little nervous on dates. And we want to yak it up and make a good impression. But sometimes we gotta drop the whole “Facebook culture” thing and not need to broadcast ourselves or our lives.  SO when a woman pretends (even if she’s really sure she’s putting up a good act of interest), an alarm goes off in his head when he figures it out (and believe me, he DOES) – and then slams the door to his love on you.

It can happen on the first date – or the umpteenth… There’s no statute of limitations here. You have to show him that you not only understand MEN – but the unique things about HIM as a man.

  • Do you know WHY men brag? (Hint: This presentation will explain that whole “egotistical braggart” thing some guys do.)
  • Do you know what the sign of a man’s interest is that you’re probably missing? (Yup, it’s the presentation, too…)
  • Do you know how to make him feel like a man, and not just a possible meal ticket? (That’s a real concern for a lot of guys.)

So, we men know when a woman “GETS” us – and is on our team – and when it’s just a trick to get us to dig her. But if you show him the “Secret Signal” he’s looking for – he instantly melts for you. If you show him this Signal, you can have just about any man spellbound – IRRESISTIBLY desiring you. (It’s almost like cheating.) Oh, and if you think that the “Secret Signal” men are looking for is SEX – that’s NOT it!

TIP: the “worst” mistake you can make is to sleep with him too quickly just because you think he might “move on” if you don’t…

Let me explain…

I just got off the phone with Rebecca – a client, who’s now a close friend of mine. After losing her husband to another woman, at the age of 39, well – she’s falling back in love, and talking about a new baby. Now, if you had seen Rebecca just 3 months ago at the mall, where they had an argument so loud and scary that the police had to escort them out (no joke)… You would NEVER have thought this was possible. But she pulled it off… I gotta hand it to her.

You see, what Rebecca discovered was the ONE thing that men desire most of all from women. And if you think it’s that same three letter word that starts with S and ends with X….NOPE. Not that at all.

Again, so many women assume that this is what men want, and ALL they want. It’s such a well-known and accepted fact about men that it must be true… right?

Actually, no.

SECRET TIP: What Do Men Want?

I’ll give you a little hint about what he needs – It’s called APPRECIATION. Men THRIVE on appreciation. In fact, he wants to feel this more than he wants to feel love from you.

Why? Because it’s one of the signals that tells him he’s doing things RIGHT. It’s the ONE way he knows he’s making you happy, when you appreciate him. Appreciation is the male form of LOVE!  It’s also one of the reasons he falls in love in the first place. But, inevitably, the appreciation starts to wane. And then the distance creeps in….He seems distant or hard to reach.

OR – if you’re just going out on a first date with him, but things fizzle – and you never hear from him again. What happened? Chances are, you missed showing him THIS secret signal.

Here – let me show you how to stop this from ever happening again…

If you’d like to know what this Secret Signal is that makes men desire you uncontrollably, I’d like you to watch this new video presentation. And you’ll also discover something incredibly exciting – a NEW way for you to unlock the secrets of the male mind. Don’t let something interrupt you – Go Here NOW!

FYI, the video is about a half hour and you can start and stop it whenever you wish.

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

Arielle

Got Faith?

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about faith and trust….and asking myself, how much of it do I really have? And, what does it take to have 100% faith and trust that my life is unfolding exactly as it should?

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As someone who has had ongoing success implementing the Law of Attraction, I sometimes wonder if my desires arise because part of me already knows what is coming, or…do I influence what is coming because I create the conditions for it to arise?

Maybe it’s a little of both!

Here’s the part I know for sure: once I drop my desire into the Universal soup, it’s time to surrender and trust that what I have asked for IS ALREADY MINE.   So, wherever you are in your manifesting process….don’t forget this piece of the pie.

Mother Nature knows how to do her job.  You wouldn’t go pulling on the leaves of your tomato plant at 3:00am saying to it “grow faster, grow faster” now would you?

Here are a few of my favorite quotes on this topic:

“Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe.”
-Saint Augustine

“Faith is believing that the outcome will be what it should be, no matter what it is.”
-Colette Baron-Reid

“Faith is an oasis in the heart which will never be reached by the caravan of thinking.”
-Khalil Gibran

“Faith is the bird that feels the light when the dawn is still dark.”
-Tagore

Practicing “faith” takes a bit of discipline…we need to stay aware of our thoughts and beliefs and not let our monkey mind get the best of us. As a constant reminder, I’ve recently put a post it note on my computer that says “Got Faith?”  Yay!

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

Arielle

P.S. Single and don’t want to be?  If so, please join me at the Omega Institute, Rhinebeck, NEW YORK – July 10-12th for The Soulmate Secret workshop that will give your love life a power boost! This stunning, rural retreat center, two hours north of NYC, is the ideal environment to go deep and the work  shop goes beyond the book and includes new transformative feelingizations and a fire-ritual to kick start your love life into high gear! Register here!

Life Is Short, Stop Waiting for “Someday”

Now that I am in the “final third” of my life, I totally get the “life is short” thing.

It’s really true. Life is short, and it goes by really, really fast.

Lifeis ShortLately I have been thinking about “if I knew then what I know now,” all the things I would have done differently.

I spent most of my life thinking that acquiring things and reaching goals were most important. The old, “I will be happy when” scenario.

What’s really true (at least for me) is that the biggest moments of joy and satisfaction have all come from experiences, not stuff.

I often would stretch or push myself to buy things – a new car, more clothes but when it came to experiences, somehow those didn’t seem as important.

Today I find that having great seats to an awesome concert or play or traveling to exotic places is where I most want to focus my attention. The memories of these experiences fill me up in ways that a new pair of shoes never will.

Here are a few questions to think about:

  • What are the experiences that will fill you up?
  • What is stopping you from doing them now?
  • Are you willing to make at least one of these experiences a priority for 2015?

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

Arielle

P.S. If spending 8 days in Bali exploring the sacred sites, temples, meeting with Shamans and Healers and being with me & Brian is something that appeals to you, please join us. More info here: www.heartlabtours.com

Two Minute LOVE fix!

A few weeks ago I was watching Grey’s Anatomy on TV and learned the most awesome thing!

Here was the scene: Dr. Amelia Shepard was standing in the surgical suite, about to perform a groundbreaking 17-hour brain surgery on a colleague.  She was scared out of her mind because if anything went wrong, her friend would die on the table.

Wonder Woman smallWhen her assistant arrived, she told her to stand with her feet shoulder width apart, hands on hips, chest and chin up in “wonder woman” pose for two minutes. Both women assumed the “wonder woman” position and by doing this simple act it gave them both the courage they needed to tackle the surgery. And, of course as great TV goes, it worked!

I began to wonder if this “wonder woman” pose was for real, so I did some research.  Turns out it is based in fact!  You can instantly re-claim your power and confidence by standing in “wonder woman” pose for just two minutes. Social psychologist, Ann Cuddy, has proven this works!  (check out her TED talk)

The next time you have to have a “difficult” conversation with a loved one or someone at work, try this….I think you will find that it’s easier to be more loving and compassionate when you aren’t filled with fear, dread or getting defensive.

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

Arielle

P.S. Guys, this will also work for you!

Let Your Heart Heal Your Negative Thinking

When I was growing up in Hollywood, Florida we used to go to an arcade on the beach, next to the Band Shell, that was filled with all kinds of fun things to do, including my favorite, pinball machines. I loved watching the small silver ball bouncing around, creating pings and dings, and whenever I managed to hit the lever fast enough, I could send the ball shooting back into the game.

Playing pinball was an odd combination of fun, fear, excitement and stress.

Over the years, I have noticed that my mind is a lot of like a pinball machine. A fear-filled thought pops up….I try the lever to push it away; sometimes I am successful, but often it lands in a hole and I am suddenly “losing.”

The fear becomes worry and anxiety and sometimes, even obsession.

I am definitely not having fun.

When I stop to examine these negative thoughts, most of the time I realize that they are projections of what “could” happen, not what is actually happening in the moment.

Worrying and stressing out is not useful in any way.

One day I decided to stop torturing myself and figure out a way to transform my fearful thinking…or what the 12-step folks call “stinking thinking.”

Painting by www.sharronkatz.com

Today I have an “emotional, spiritual toolkit” that I access nearly daily when gripped by thoughts or feelings that are disturbing.

One of my favorite techniques is called a “Heart Lock-in” and it comes from the visionaries at Heartmath. Their research offers compelling evidence that the heart possesses its own intelligence and has great influence over how the body’s many systems align themselves. Heartmath scientists have found that when we focus on the area around the heart, while remembering and re-experiencing feelings such as love, appreciation or gratitude, the positive results can immediately be measured in our heart rhythms or so-called heart rate variability. They call this “heart coherence,” a highly desirable state that improves our emotional, physical and spiritual well-being.

Rather than try to “talk” myself out of having the disturbing thoughts, I change my focus completely with a “heart lock-in” and it only takes about five minutes.

Here’s how: Make sure you are in a quiet, comfortable space. Close your eyes and breathe slowly.  Shift your attention away from your mind and focus on the area around your heart.  I use my imagination and see myself breathing in and out through my own heart.

Then I call up a memory of feelings of gratitude or appreciation. I re-experience these feelings as if they were happening right now in present moment awareness.

After a minute of re-experiencing this, I let it go and call up a memory of a time when I felt love.  Any kind of love.  And I imagine it’s happening in the present moment.

I gently send these feelings of love to myself, I allow these feelings to wash over me like an ocean wave.

Finally, I take three more deep breaths, and then open my eyes.  Voila, no more negative thoughts!

With practice, a Heart Lock-In provides physical, mental and spiritual regeneration and resiliency. The next time you find yourself stuck in negativity,  manage your emotions by shifting your focus to love, appreciation and gratitude.

If you wish to learn more about heart coherence and the techniques and products of Heartmath you can visit www.heartmath.com

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

Arielle

Be A Love Generator

My dear friend David Wagner, discovered his life’s purpose while at work one day as a hairdresser. One of his regular clients came in unexpectedly for a blow out. David decided to give her an extra long head massage. As he shampooed her hair and lovingly massaged her scalp, he was, as usual, friendly and kind during their time together.

A few days letter he received a surprising letter from the woman. She wrote that she had come in for a blow out because her plan was to commit suicide and she wanted to look good at her funeral. But, because of David’s attention and love, rather than follow through with her plan, she decided life was worth living and she checked herself into the hospital and sought help.

DW Grammy JuneIn that moment, David had an epiphany. He realized that he was more than a hairdresser, more than a boss to 400 employees at his many Juut Salonspas in Minnesota…..he saw that he was in fact a “Daymaker.”

He now knew his purpose in life was to make someone’s day, to spread love, to be a love generator.

It’s a simple concept with a powerful effect.

If we all commit to be “Daymakers” in our lives, and the lives we touch, the world will quickly become a more loving place.

Below are some of David’s tips on how to be a Daymaker in all areas of life.

Make Your Lover’s Day

  • Write a love letter and send it in the mail. It costs 44 cents.
  • Send your mate’s parents flowers on your mate’s birthday.
  • Rent a tandem bicycle for the weekend.
  • Offer to take over something your mate usually does (like cook dinner).
  • Break out the best china this week, especially with kids. It will create a special night for everyone.
  • Ladies, send him flowers at work today. How rare is it for a guy to get flowers? Very rare! They love it!!

Make A Co-Worker’s Day

  • Offer to pick up lunch for someone you know is swamped.
  • If you have an SUV, offer to pick up others on a snowy day.
  • Pass the bouquet. Give someone special a bouquet and have them pass it on to someone else the following day. It’s a week of Daymaking with one bouquet!
  • Create a Daymaker of the Year award at work.
  • Write a thank you note to the boss. It’s lonely at the top. Everyone needs to know they’re appreciated for their work.
  • Acknowledge promotions; send a card to the employee’s home.
  • Grab coffee for your coworker on the way in!

Make A Stranger’s Day

  • Put a quarter in a gumball machine and walk away.
  • Let people merge in traffic today.
  • Carry thank you notes with you. Write them out to waiters and waitresses. It will surprise them more than a big tip.
  • Plug a parking meter that’s expired.
  • Help a stranger take their luggage off the carousel at the airport.
  • Buy a bike for your local children’s shelter.
  • Buy gift certificates to a car wash and leave them on the windshield of random cars.
  • Buy gift certificates to an ice cream shop and give them out on a hot day.

Make Your Own Day

  • Tonight make your home a spa. Use your favorite soothing music, scented candles, bath salts/oils, calming tea, and favorite robe. Unplug the phone, put the kids to sleep and enjoy two hours of bliss.
  • Buy fresh flowers on your way home tonight.
  • Call someone just to say, “I love you and I’m glad you are in my life.”
  • Watch the sunset.
  • Turn off your cell phone ringer during dinner.
  • Be an optimist today. Look on the bright side of everything that comes your way. Repeat it tomorrow.

To join David and the tens of thousands of Daymakers around the world, please visit: www.daymakermovement.com

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

Arielle

P.S. In the photo above, David is being a Daymaker for his wife Charlie’s Grandmother, June. She will be 99 next month!

Can You Make Someone Fall in Love with You?

People often ask me how to use the Law of Attraction to bring back an ex lover or convince someone new to love them.  I do not believe this is the best use of the Law of Attraction and I am not even sure if it would work.  I don’t believe in impeding on someone else’s free will or destiny.

Couple cupsHowever, I recently came across some fascinating research that seems to have an excellent track record in having people fall in love and also having couples re-ignite their level of intimacy.

In a study published in April 1997 by State University of New York psychology professor Arthur Aron, a team of researchers discovered a method for creating closeness between two strangers. In laboratory setting, the team asked participants to use a catalogue of thirty-six increasingly personal questions and to then conduct an exercise of silently looking into each other’s eyes for four minutes.  The idea was to discover three common traits along with a series of other trust-building measures to quickly create trust and intimacy, the cornerstones of any lasting relationship.

In an article in the New York Times, University of British Columbia in Vancouver writing instructor Mandy Len Catron recounts her experience of re-enacting the experiment with a university colleague.  The intensity of the exercise was overwhelming. After several hours of conversation with her male colleague, she revealed that love is indeed an action. To their surprise, the test worked and they fell in love.

You can get the list of 36 questions here.

When you do this, remember, the most important part of the exercise is this:  after answering all the questions, you and your partner gaze into each other’s eyes, in total silence for four minutes.

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,   

Arielle



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