Everyone Gets Hurt. The Happiest People Do This…

I was talking with my good friend, Evan Marc Katz, the other day. You have heard me sing his praises many times – he’s a dating coach for smart, strong, successful women – and one of the better writers in the personal growth space. Part of the reason I continue to read his work is because he is a real, hands-on coach – he has been listening to women on the phone for three hours a day for over a decade, and he has incredible insight into what makes men tick and relationships succeed.

Well, during the course of conversation, Evan and I happened upon one of the primary reasons it’s hard to get back out there after getting hurt: the tremendous loss of confidence you suffer during a break-up. Not just confidence in your ability to choose a partner and navigate a relationship, but a loss of confidence in yourself.

When we were talking, Evan gave me an analogy that really stuck with me, that came straight from Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People”

Imagine a car salesman. He’s trying to get you to buy something from him, but the way he’s doing it is having the opposite effect:

“Um, so, I know you’re probably really busy today, but maybe, I don’t know, you might want to consider buying a Toyota Camry. Sure, it’s a little bit more expensive than other cars, and yeah, the economy is down, and yeah, you can probably get something just as good that is pre-owned. But maybe you want to test drive a Camry anyway?

No? You don’t? I kind of figured you’d say that. After all, there are tons of cars that are nicer looking, get better mileage, and have better resale value.

Wait – don’t go! I mean, you can go if you think there are any other cars you’d like better, but maybe you’d still like to buy a car from me today? I mean, I don’t take it personally if you leave – okay, that’s not true. I will take it personally if you leave, because I’m really quite desperate to sell a car this month and I haven’t had anyone buy from me in a really long time, and—“

Of course, this is a caricature of the worst car salesman ever, but the point should be clear:

Why would you buy a car from a guy who doesn’t believe in his own product?
That’s right. You wouldn’t.

The question for you – and it’s a challenging one – is this:

Do you believe in your own product?

Do you think that a man would be a fool to go out with anyone else?

Do you believe that the best men would want to commit to you?

Or do you inadvertently come across a bit like the insecure car salesman?

He’s not suggesting that you’re currently blurting out all of your own flaws or openly encouraging your dates to pursue other women.

He is suggesting that your actions may indicate the same thing.

Every second you spend with a man who mistreats you, every week you spend with a man who fails to make you feel safe, heard and understood, you are demonstrating your lack of confidence.

Without speaking a word, you’re telling him you will stay in your dissatisfying relationship and that you don’t need to be treated better.

If you had confidence that you deserved more, you’d already be out the door.

So, why would a man commit to a relationship with someone who doesn’t believe in her own product? A woman who can barely summon any confidence in herself?

That’s right. He wouldn’t.

Everyone suffers a loss of confidence after a break-up. And yet, there’s something unique about love that always makes you come back for more.

The warm feeling you get when you wake up next to him on Sunday morning.

The belly laughs you share over your inside jokes.

The strength he demonstrates in making you feel better after a bad day.

The generosity he displays with each flower, dinner, and movie ticket he buys.

But the best part of being in love – in my opinion – is the least heralded one.
What people often forget about love is how wonderfully SAFE a great relationship is.

If you’ve never experienced that safety, I’m telling you, there’s nothing quite like it.

Brian and I hope to be one of those “’til death do us part” couples. We both feel that there is nothing in the world that could break us up. Because of that, disagreements are rare. Arguments are resolved instantly. Any friction is a mere blip on the radar. All because we hold our marriage sacred and view it greater than our individual needs.

I’m attracted to Brian’s inner confidence – which has nothing to do with how much money he makes, and he’s attracted to my inner confidence – my belief in my ability to create, to persevere, to grow. The safety of our relationship allows that confidence to shine and never be shaken. And, boy, does it feel great.

Think about how you would feel to have that kind of relationship.

How relaxed. How confident. How secure.

Now if you’ve never experienced this before, I’ll admit it can sound far-fetched.

If all you know from relationships is heartbreak, confusion and frustration, talking about a man who makes you feel safe probably sounds like talking about the probability of Martians landing on Earth.

I promise you. It’s not.

Martians – I mean, men who make you feel safe – are REAL.

So where are they? And how do you find them?

This is the $64,000 question. And this is the reason Evan Marc Katz wrote his book, “Believe in Love – 7 Steps to Letting Go of the Past, Embracing the Present, and Dating with Confidence.”

In it, he walks you through 7 easy, chronological steps that he has used for over a decade to help women like you overcome your fears and frustrations in love.

  1. Let Go of the Past
  2. Set Realistic Expectations
  3. Overcome Negativity
  4. Defeat Your Fear of Failure
  5. Reframe Your False Beliefs
  6. Carry Yourself With Confidence
  7. Take Action Now

It is no exaggeration to say that “Believe in Love” is the most important book I can share with you because it’s essential to your happiness and long-term well-being.

There is no falling in love if you don’t believe in love itself.

After all…

You’ve seen men come and go.

You’ve doubted your own worthiness.

You’ve watched others get happily married.

You’ve questioned your judgment more times than you can count.

You’ve gone to therapy, talked to friends, and listened to dating gurus.

You’ve taken breaks, gotten back out there, and quit once again.

“Believe in Love” is the antidote to all of that – a program, with 17 powerful exercises that will change your tune, boost your confidence, and give you the will to create the safe relationship of your dreams.

Let me know how quickly it gets your confidence back. Oh, and Evan is being nice enough to offer it to you for$50 off of the normal retail price. All you have to do is enter the coupon code “BELIEVE” at checkout.

It’s time to believe in your own product again. Once you believe, the men you are attracted to will believe as well.

Wishing you love, laughter & magical kisses,


Inviting God Into Your Love Life

One of the most important and life-changing books I’ve ever read is “Conversations with God” by Neale Donald Walsch. When I read it, nearly 20 years ago, I was so knocked out by the powerful, transformational content, that I picked up the phone, called information, found Neale’s phone number and called him!

When Neale answered, I thanked him profusely for writing the book. We spoke for quite awhile and he asked me what I did for a living. I explained that I was a book publicist, and he said “we should work together.” That was the start of a long friendship. Last week I had the honor of interviewing him at his retreat center in Ashland, Oregon.

One of the questions I asked him was “how does being in a love relationship help us?”

Here’s what he said:

“It creates a field that we can step into and grow to become and to experience, to declare and express, the grandest idea that we ever had about who we are. A relationship provides us with moment-to-moment, day-to day opportunities to step into that, even when the people we love become challenging. It’s the very challenge that relationship presents to us that is our grandest invitation from God. God is asking us, especially in our relationship life, a single question “What aspect of me do you choose to demonstrate now.”


That really got me thinking… in every moment, how do I want to show up for my beloved? How can I become the grandest version of myself in life and in love?

Spending that time with Neale, I felt a shift within myself…I felt my heart opening and expanding to a place of really aspiring to become a grander version of myself on all levels.

If you are curious about how to do this, in an amazing coincidence and perfect timing…it turns out that Neale has an upcoming FREE online event,
“The 3 Secrets to Ending the Struggle and Making Your Life Work.”

In it, Neale will reveal and give you a newfound understanding of a greater truth, which will enable you to live fearlessly, love unconditionally, and be happy… no matter what happens in your life! (if you can’t attend live-they’ll send you the recording!)

Wishing you love, laughter & magical kisses,


George Clooney – Why He Chose Amal

By now you already know that last week George Clooney, notorious bachelor, married Lebanese beauty Amal Alamuddin in Venice. After a long list of actresses, dancers, and waitresses, George has finally found the love of his life.

So why her? I’ve heard that she said “no” to him the first three times he asked her out. And I am guessing that dating an American actor was not on her wish list, but clearly charming George won her over.

From my outsider perspective it looks like they are a great match: both are seriously attractive, successful, and maybe most importantly, they are invested in serving global and humanitarian issues.

Here’s is a short list of some of Amal attributes:

  1. She’s a famous British human rights lawyer…who is regarded as one of the world’s leading counsels on Middle Eastern affairs.
  2. She’s represented some of the biggest names on the international stage…Wikileaks founder Julian Assange. Former Ukrainian prime minister Yulia Tymoshenko. And the King of Bahrain.
  3. She served as counsel to the United Nations on the use of drone …and as UN Special Envoy Kofi Annan’s advisor on Syria.
  4. She’s a published author…Having written numerous articles on international criminal law, Alamuddin has also edited The Law and Practice of the Special Tribunal for Lebanon.
  5. She’s also tri-lingual…Speaking English, Arabic and fluent French.

There is an old saying that “water seeks it’s own level” and that is often evident in relationships…you find people of similar education, income and attractiveness come together. In this case I think it’s just a tiny bit skewed…I think George married UP!

Wishing you love, laughter & magical kisses,


The #1 Dating Mistake

CamelcoupleClaire and I just wrapped up our Secrets to Finding True Love online Series and it was jam-packed with enlightening and useful information on manifesting a soulmate.

For those of you dating online (or willing to finally START dating online because 2 out of 5 marriages now start online) I wanted to make sure you had this very important information from dating expert Evan Marc Katz.  Evan knows that one of the most important ways you can increase your chances of finding your soulmate online has to do with thespecific way you craft your profile.

He says the key is to “show not tell,” and to understand the words you should absolutely NEVER use when describing yourself online.

Here’s an excerpt from his “Finding ‘The One’ Online: How to Attract Quality Men and Understand Male Dating Behavior” seminar:

“Show me who you are, don’t tell me who you are. Anybody can say ‘I’m friendly. I meet people wherever I go. I’m one of the nicest people ever,’ but that’s just telling me what friendly means. You need to give me an example. ‘Lunch ladies like me. I make friends with a bartender during a layover in Dallas.’ That’s the same as I’m friendly, right?

Don’t say you’re adventurous. Tell me you bungee jumped off a 300-foot bridge in New Zealand.

A profile should only be about 200 words long. You don’t want to make it a long confessional, and I think that’s one of the things that I see most with intelligent, earnest women who are looking for love.

They write something that’s straight from their heart, and it’s passionate, and it’s spiritual, and any guy reading it, his eyes are going to roll back in his head because it’s a complete expression of who she is. It’s great if she wants to attract another woman, but she’s not speaking guy language at all.

We’re not talking about tool belts and football; it’s about appreciating that what men are attracted to is often what they don’t have themselves. They’re looking for sweetness, lightness, nurturing, fun, playfulness, sexiness.

So when I have clients who sell themselves to me by giving me their core attributes on the phone and they’ll tell me that they’re ambitious and driven and tenacious and I’m like ‘I want to hire you, but that’s not why he’s going to marry you.’
So I’m not going to say you shouldn’t be those things and you can’t still be those things at work, but if you’re defining yourself as that, if you’re going to tell me the reason he should be with you is because you ran a marathon last year, unless we’re in a drought and you need to run for water, I’m not sure why that matters to him.

We’re looking to play up her core qualities. So if she tells me family is important, we’re going to throw in a line about families. If she tells me work’s important, we’re going to throw in a line about work. If she tells me travel’s important, we’re going to throw in a line about travel.

But it’s going to be balanced. It’s not going to be a whole bunch of one thing, because everybody has read an online dating profile with the scuba diving woman, right? Or the music woman and she lists her 700 favorite bands. So usually there’s something funny at the beginning, sweet and heartfelt at the end, and it’s a really quick ride in between.”

Evan had so many helpful tips for dating-I wish I’d known about them when I was single!  If you want to hear more from Evan and the other relationship experts in the series, and get access to a just added special bonus on Tapping (something I use nearly everyday to relieve emotional turmoil), click here now.

Wishing you love, laughter & magical kisses,


P.S. This is Your Last Chance to Own The Secrets to Finding True Love at 50% Off!  Don’t wait! Special Event 50% Discount ends Oct 2nd. Learn More Here.


LOVE: Have It Your Way

The other night I was talking to friend and dating expert, Evan Marc Katz, about why some women have so much trouble with finding love. Not surprisingly, we both had the exact same point of view and it came down to one word: softness.One of the soulmate “blockers” some women have (especially busy, successful women over 40) is an unconsciousfear that when their soulmate shows up, he will suppress their freedom and take up all of their time. Especially if they grew up in a traditional home from the 1950’s, 60’s or 70’s where Dad went off to work, and Mom was a housewife catering to Dad’s needs and his wishes always came first!

Many of todays busy, single women are really enjoying their lives. Most have kids, even grandkids, and businesses, friends, adventure travel, hobbies and while they crave companionship and would love a soulmate, in the back on their mind, they have a belief that they will have to give up – a lot – to make room for someone new.

Here’s the good news: you get to choose. You can have it YOUR way!

When you are using the Law of Attraction, being clear with your intention and your soulmate wish list, you get to design your future relationship. If you want a 24/7 relationship with someone that you marry and work from home with, create that.

If you want a soulmate but would prefer to live apart, and see each other twice a week until you retire, or only get together on weekends, then focus on that lifestyle.

You are more powerful than you know, so get clear on what your heart most desires and needs in your soulmate relationship and then go out and make it happen.

You can have it your way!

Wishing you love, laughter & magical kisses,


P.S. And if you feel you have emotional bocks to love and need help with that, don’t miss this free online workshop, hosted by my dear friend, licensed psychotherapist and bestselling author Katherine Woodward Thomas, MA, MFT.

Calling in The One: How to Identify and Release Your Hidden Barriers to Love & Become Magnetic to Your Soulmate

The one word that could change everything

ipage.jpg1The other night I was talking to friend and dating expert, Evan Marc Katz, about why some women have so much trouble with finding love. Not surprisingly, we both had the exact same point of view and it came down to one word: softness.

Softness with your willingness to tear down the walls around your heart and giving up the need to be “right.”

Softness in your ability to be open to men without emitting harsh, judgmental words or thoughts. (if you are having negative thoughts, trust me, the other person can feel it on some level.)

We humans can be so hard on ourselves and others. The impulse to judge and criticize comes too easily for many of us. It’s time to soften our edges, become more loving, gentle, and accepting and learn to embrace certain truths:

1) Accepting that we don’t know what we don’t know about love and by opening and softening up to proven advice that has worked for others.

2) There is no such thing as perfection. We are all perfectly imperfect.

Research by Sandra Murray, a psychologist at the University of Buffalo, reveals that putting on the “rose colored glasses” and idealizing our partner actually leads to more happiness and satisfaction in relationship. In fact, the happiest couples focus on what’s right and not on what’s wrong. This is also known as the Pygmalion effect, the phenomenon in which the greater the expectation placed upon people, the better they perform. It’s a form of self-fulfilling prophecy. As mature adults, we get to choose our thoughts and beliefs so why not intentionally intend and expect the best out of our selves and our dates?

Today, begin to look at the places in yourself where you have hard edges and tend to judge yourself and others. Look for ways to soften and create receptivity for our collective humanness. We all want to be loved and accepted for who we really are. Knowing that we are all flawed and imperfect, we need to practice non-judgment on a moment-to-moment basis.

Manifesting a soulmate is just the first step to a lifetime of love. Learning to love, appreciate and accept our beloved (and to make sure they really feel our love and acceptance) this is the real work of Big Love.

Wishing you love, laughter & magical kisses,


Happiness. You can make it happen.

 Lately it seems that nearly everyone I know is having major life challenges. So many people are depressed, anxious, unhappy. When I was in my twenties I went through a very painful time of deep depression….I know how hard it is to pull out of that. I was seeing a shrink and on antidepressant drugs. One night, while at a big party, watching everyone seemingly having a great time, I made a decision. I decided that I would study happy people and I would do whatever it takes to become a happy person. This was the beginning of my path of personal growth.

While it didn’t happen overnight, by reading books, attending workshops, working with a nutritionist (turns out I have hypoglycemia so eating regularly is really important for my stability) and asking happy people lots of questions, I finally found my way to happiness.

We can’t always control our circumstances but we do have a lot of control over how we respond to life. When life gets tough, it helps to remember that that bad times don’t last and often the worst stuff turns into the best stuff. Getting through a difficult day requires that we try to figure out the baby steps we can take to get through the next five minutes. And get through the five minutes after that. For me, sometimes just focusing on one little thing I am grateful for is all I need to do. You can call a friend. Or walk your dog. Or pet your cat. Do something to put you into a state of gratitude and grace.

I have what I call my “toolbox” of methods to shift me from upset to happiness. It includes EFT Tapping, the Institute of Heartmath’s “heart lock-in techniques,” and the Sedona Method. All of these are easy to learn and I have found them to be very effective. (And, if you are severely depressed, please reach out for professional help.) Also, Marci Shimoff’s book, Happy For No Reason is an excellent resource.

I use at least one of these methods on a daily basis and have discovered that it really is possible to choose happiness once you know how to do it. My ultimate goal is to reach Santushta. This is a Sanskrit word which means complete unshakeable contentment, imperturbable happiness.

Wishing you love, laughter & magical kisses,


The Drug You Must Give Up to Manifest Love

My wise and brilliant friend, John Assaraf, recently wrote:

“The older I get (and hopefully wiser) I realize that some people are just happiest (or most comfortable) when they are miserable.

I know it’s an oxymoron but it’s true. As I travel the world sharing the lessons and specific strategies for achieving success, I come across so many people who prefer to be right vs change and have what they say they want.

The drug of choice today is “Hopium” where people hope for things to get better and do nothing to help themselves and the inflammation disease that many suffer from is “Excuse-itis” an inflammation of the excuse gland.

Success is about learning how to do the right things, in the right order at the right time… and then …. Just do it!”

I agree with John. I often see the same thing.

Sometimes, without consciously realizing it, we are addicted to suffering, trapped in our misery. Stuck in our story….the story that we just can’t (or don’t deserve) what we most desire.

And, it doesn’t have to be that way.

If you been living on “hopium,” or you need more inspiration and direction to manifest your heart’s biggest desire and if NOW is the right time for you to finally find true love, then don’t miss out on the most celebrated love event of the year!

I’ll be hosting along with the amazing Claire Zammit as we share everything you need to know about finding love, FOR FREE!

Register now to attend The Secrets to Finding True Love Online Event, starting Thursday, September 11th.
A taste of what you’ll discover:
  • How to identify your “love personality type” and understand how it determines who you love, as well as how you attract love to you
  • A simple, quick and effective technique for releasing past emotional trauma and blockages so you are fully available to your Soulmate
  • The secret process that turns your longing into a powerful magnetism for love
  • The do’s and don’ts of making a specific list to manifest the right person
  • The 4 most attractive qualities to men, and how you can authentically embody them.
(We will also have plenty of tips for men seeking love as well!)

To save your seat, you can register free here.
Wishing you love, laughter & magical kisses,


First dates, Food & Your Appetite for Love & Life

Dating, whether you love it or loathe it, is an indispensable part of the soulmate manifestation process. Eventually there will be a “first dinner date.”
What, and maybe more importantly “how” you order, will let him or her know if you have a healthy appetite for love and life, as well as whether or not you are high maintenance, and so much more.

On these early dates we want to let our large appetite for life, our enthusiasm for life, really shine through as much as possible. 

For those of you with gluten or other sensitivities (I fall into this category), it might be best just to order something you know is “safe” for you to eat, rather than engage in a big conversation with the server which will lead to a talk about your various ailments. This isn’t the best “first dinner date” conversation to have.

If you are vegan or vegetarian, no problem, as long as you aren’t sitting in judgment if your date orders a steak. I believe that everyone has to decide for them selves which foods best serve their body type. If you are a strident vegan, and you can’t watch anyone eat meat products, that is something to figure out BEFORE you go out on a dinner date. 

For those of you “foodies” out there…be adventurous and let your date know that you love trying new things. Foodies need to find each other!

One other thought: Judging how someone else eats, even if you believe they are harming themselves, is toxic to you not them.

What got me thinking about all of this was a blog I recently read by Katie Oldenburg at www.thefrisky.com on this topic. Here’s what she thinks your first date food order says about you… you decide for yourself!

Anything With Garlic: I have no self-awareness or foresight … or I don’t like you.

Tacos: I’m impulsive and a short-term thinker.

Burger And Fries: I want something delicious because I’m hungry. It’s not glamorous and you may judge me for it, so go ahead.

Buffalo Wings: I’m adventurous and not afraid of getting down and dirty.

Pasta: I’m a romantic. There’s something seductive about a savory plate of pasta, as long as sauce isn’t dripping all over the place.

Steak: I’m dominant and powerful. Anybody who wants to slice into a big filet with a steak knife says “I’m in control” (and maybe that attitude will spill into the bedroom later on).

Chicken: I play it safe. May be perceived as boring.

Pizza: I’m down-to-earth. I’m not too uppity, but I also might not be very adventurous.

Meatloaf: I’m not here to impress you. There’s nothing impressive or sexy about meatloaf, therefore there’s nothing impressive or sexy about this date.

Quesadilla: I’m fun, easy going and playful.

Surf And Turf: I’m fancy, sort of materialistic and don’t care about money, because you’re paying.

Salmon: I like you and consider your feelings. I chose a lean piece of fish that’s not too smelly or hearty, tastes good and is classy.

Chicken Fingers: I am a child trapped in an adult’s body and am unaware that you’re probably judging me.

One last thought. When I was dating, I would generally eat something before going out to dinner, because I didn’t want anyone to see just how ravenous I can become when I get hungry and I am a super sloppy, messy eater. I would generally order something that I liked ”enough” that wouldn’t end up all over me, or them!

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,


Celebrating 16 Blissful Years

This past weekend Brian and I celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary. Wow, does time fly! One of the assumptions I had about marriage was that the longer I knew my partner, eventually I would be a bit bored….so not true! Brian continues to be most loving and fascinating person I have ever met, and we have so much fun together!

In 1998 we had three weddings. This photo was from our “legal” wedding where we had rock star Kenny Loggins who volunteered to be our officiant and wedding singer!

I was reflecting on what it took for me to become a first-time bride at the age of 44, and thinking about all the years I was certain that I would never find “the One.”

I had such a history of bad relationships, bad choices, that even my own mother had lost hope for me.

I’ll never forget the morning I woke up, at age 43, and made the decision to figure out how to manifest a soulmate. I still get excited remembering how my mind went into overdrive thinking about all the various prayers, processes and rituals I had used to manifest a highly successful career, that I would now transform into a soulmate manifestation process.

What I didn’t know then, is that not only would I manifest to most perfect man in the world (for me), but that I would be reach a level of happiness that I never dreamed possible.

For the past ten years I have been teaching this process, to thousands of men and women around the world, and nearly every day I receive an email, phone call, letter or Facebook message from happy couples who have found each other through the Soulmate Secret process.

I never tire of reading these success stories, they just make my heart sing knowing that more people how found the love of their life.

Here’s what I now know for sure: Finding true love is possible for an one at any age, if you are willing to prepare yourself on all levels to become a magnet for love.What you may not know is that you might have some “soulmate blockers.” These are unconscious thoughts, beliefs or energies, that are getting in your way.

If you want to clear them, then I invite you to join me for a free teleseminar, that just might make all the difference in the world for you.

It happens this Thursday on August 14th – don’t miss it!

Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,


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